Fourth of July Antics

THE LAKE

My parents decide we should go to the lake for the 4th.  We get there early, get the perfect spot : picnic table under a tree, right next to the play ground, and just far enough from the water to be safe.  There's a picnic, we're enjoying the sun in our swimsuits, and everything's going great.  My mom has the bright idea to go rent a paddle boat on the other side of the lake and paddle it back to our beach.  So we get there and they only have four-man paddles so we get one of those, leave the car there, and head across the lake.  The four "men" in the boat? Me (can't swim), my mom (bad knees), Virginia (just had back surgery), and Kaylee (... she's three)!  Kaylee's far too little; she's just along for the ride in her little life jacket.  Mom and Virginia quit about 3 minutes into it, only sporadically pedalling to help, and I get the joy of sweatily bellowing about their poor steering while I'm the only one pushing.  We get to the horn of the beach, and we literally STOP MOVING.  We were like, "What the hell?!"  Apparently Mom had steered too close and we got stuck in ankle deep water.  So I jump out expecting it to be waist high, and we all lost it when I landed taller than I was in the boat!  My mom and I end up walking the boat around the horn, into deeper water, with Kaylee and Virginia in the boat, and pull it up on the shore.  Mom reaches into her pocket cuz she feels something wet and heavy...  Her cell phone!  Completely shot.

The picnic continues with my dad making about a billion trips to the bathroom, losing his temper at the bottle of sunscreen and pissed that his hat keeps blowing away.  To cool off, he swims out, fully clothed, into the lake about chest deep and plays with the girls.  After I played music for a while and we built sand castles on the beach, Mom realizes it's time to bring the paddle boat back.  However... a big family of migrant workers has decided that since our boat was just resting out there, not being put to use, they would take it over and fall asleep in it!  So we had to go wake up the random strangers and get them out of our boat.  My mom's knees and Virginia's back were shot, so involuntarily the task to help me paddle back fell on Dad's shoulders.

Now I get stubborn.  I tell him to get in too early and fall in the sand trying to get him out into the water. We push off, steer perfectly around the horn and are doing great.  Except that he's uncomfortable in the front.  I have to be in back b/c I know how to steer, but b/c he's already grumpy, he throws a temper tantrum and crawls in the back determined not to have to sit up front.  We stop going anywhere.  So I move up front.  But now his seat back isn't working.  So I have to straddle the middle of the boat to counteract his movement (not agile movement, I might add..).  Now I move over to my spot, try to coach him through the mechanics of steering, and we start having it out!  He's pissed that I expected him to be able to figure it out; I'm pissed that he was acting like a baby.  From my perspective, it was reminscent of trying to ride a tandum bike uphill, with a sweat, grumpy gorilla bitching in the background.  AWFUL.  Loooooong story short, we apologize, take only our assigned jobs (I pedal, he steers), and somehow manage to return the boat, perfectly, into it's place. 

FIREWORKS
There weren't any fireworks showing at that particular park/lake, so we drove to a park closer to our house, park the car and watched in lawn chairs.  Little do we know the "Beverly Hillbillies" are about to park next to us in the grass parking lot.  "Jim Bob" (I didn't really know his name :), pulls in, hops on top of his rusty Bronco, blasting "I'm Proud to Be An American" (NO LIE!!)  and yells something at his baby-momma.  His friends show up to check out his sweet new ride, and, bragging, he says, "Yep!  In 37 payments, this baby's gonna be all mine!"   :O  wow...  They proceeded to bellow obscenities at police, their little girl who had obviously been exposed to MUCH more than she should have at that age, and any car that left early with their lights on.  They actually almost got into several fist fights with drivers.

After they finally calmed down, we were watching the fireworks, with Lilly in my mom's lap when she sees a great big green one (her favorite color) and says, "I want to HAVE it!" with her arms spread out wide like she's going to give it a hug. So adorable :)

About 30 seconds later, while we're still watching the bright flashes, we hear Kaylee toot in her seat.  My mom and I look over at her, shocked at how loud it was. My mom asks, "What was that?!"  Kaylee answers, "...firework?"   We were doubled over laughing so hard!

It was a wonderfully unforgettable Fourth of July.  And if you've miraculously made it this far in reading, I'm impressed!

Hope your Fourth was as memorable as mine was!  <3