Wow :)

Sometimes I wonder if I'm bipolar or if I really am just this flighty!  I'll make a decision and within days, I'm on a completely different track!  Lol, I know it's bad, but right now, I'm so happy that I don't care!!  So, please excuse the last post, as it is RIDICULOUS and I was just feeling like a fish out of water with the whole situation; the mess has been cleared :)  So, here's the reason I'm writing:

I'M GOING TO BE A WRITER!!!

I know that's 'not a practical profession' and 'a very competitive field'; I know all of the downturns.  But, lately I feel like I can't help but write all the time!  (So many exclamation points; can you tell I'm happy?!?:)  Yesterday I finally realized something:  Even though I'm over the mess of last semester, I haven't emotionally released my pain and anger.  I think that's why I'm behaving out of character so much. I'm denying my emotions so I don't have to deal with them and I'm hiding parts of who I really am.  When you deny growth, it doesn't just go away.  It festers and poisons your soul, preventing you from being a healthy human being from the inside out!  I've been doing just that.  Being wreckless, acting juvenile, all of my behavior lately (not that I've gone off the deep end, but I'm definitely swimming in deeper waters).  I realized this, cried on my knees (releasing tears, not the kind I was crying a few months ago:)  and really talked with God.  For the first time in a loooong time.  No thee's, thou's; no pretense.  And it was like all my hinderances fell away.  I could breathe again when I didn't know I was holding my breath.  And like I could straighten my spine when it was bowed under the pressure of everything.  It was GREAT!!!!!  Then later, I was reading something Cole had written and I was genuinely inspired to write something!!  That's never happened before!  He has a phrase from this amazing poem he wrote about the relationships between black, white and gray; it's so profound.  And I reread that phrase last night and it was like a window opened onto this beautiful story.  It's kind of 'our' story, but at the same time it's completely different.  I want to use his quote as the forward/dedication in my book (I know right?  "BOOK?!?!?" But yeah, I'm going to write a book!).  And I'm going to quote him and everything; it's going to be so great!  I'm so excited to start writing!

Anyway that's all my updates thus far other than BK is back for the time being, I'm excited to be going to Utah in exactly 6 weeks and 1 day, and that I'm embarking on my own mini-adventure of transforming myself inside AND out!  I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Even when I thought I was the happiest I'd ever been, I've still never been this happy <3  Life is AMAZING, my family is incredible, my friends are the best, and I'm already making plans for this spring!  I'm beginning to appreciate my first 'detour' :D   AAAAAAAAaaaaaaah!  I'm so happy I could SCREAM!  (and I just did :)